Friday, February 5, 2010

Update- Me

I am having a wonderful time...I feel very alive, I feel younger. People say I look happier.

I met someone last week who I haven't seen for over 2 years, who thought I looked unstressed, not at all how I used to look.

There is stress in my life, to be sure- plenty of it really...but it is not the same as before...I feel lighter, I really do.

This weekend, the kids have gone up north to see their grandparents. I miss them like crazy. I used to wish for a weekend to do as I's crap really.

Well, it's a mixture really. I can do as I please, but I realise I don;t necessarily want to just please myself. I am enjoying listening to music, and I enjoy the silence (to a degree). I can eat when I feel like it, and it is more relaxing. My children don't always want to eat at the same time as me, or each other- so it can feel like I am preparing food all day long.

I know the kids will be having a blast- they may even get to go sailing. They won;t be missing me- they'll be too busy... though Princess told me the other time they went away that she kept thinking of me and wondering if I was ok. She said it didn't feel like real life without a Mama. She is so sweet.

I did my work training without having to worry about a babysitter, or rushing to get home. I did the grocery shopping on my own. I set up my little office- ready for work on Monday night. I won a 3 dvd prize pack that got delivered out-of-the-blue. Tonight I'm going to a play (outdoors!) with a friend. I choose girly movies to watch. I read my book on the hammock.

I felt insanely lonely last night, and considered going in to town for some music and dancing, and just to talk to somebody in person- but couldn't imagine being the only person there without a friend. Next time, I will go...because I'm not going to have fun and meet new people in my lounge.

I went on a chat forum, and was astonished to see the things people write- it looked fun, but I wouldn't do it...well, maybe a bit more anonymously. I realised I wasn't really lonely at all...I like to be alone sometimes. I want to be alone sometimes. yes, I would like to be with friends- but I have friends. I could have phoned someone, or texted, or e-mailed. But I don't need to be with someone 24:7...I turned the music up louder and danced in my lounge. It's better that way actually, because really I am not much of a dancer.

I talked to my oldest friend J on the phone, and then I watched am movie (it was strange), and then my friend R noticed I was online so she called at 10:30pm... and I can do that when I am on my own...and we had a great chat, and then my friend C started texting...she sent 11 texts or so- she can type 11 texts in the time it takes me to type 3. I had given up feeling lonely, and suddenly I felt really popular.

So, now I'll check my facebook games, and other e-mails, and hang the washing, and do the dishes, maybe dance a little in my lounge, probably eat some breakfast, call a friend, and get excited about the play tonight.

Yes, life is good, it really is.


Anonymous said...

Hey Lishelle, it is good to have a catch up from you :) I tried several times to comment but you had no anonymous ID on you page lol

Happy to hear that things are going well for you.

Karen in Whangarei (who was the anonymous blog reader until we met)

What side of Auckland are you on? I will be down that way at Easter :)

Shell (in NZ) said...

Hi Karen... nice to hear from you again :0) I only changed the setting today...we're on the North Shore- so do come if you can. mrs debus at g mail . com

Anonymous said...

Hah! Finally got on here and read your blog.
So what's the job then? Because I haven't been online much for the past few weeks I've missed out if you said what it is...
Love the photo you put on of yourself - you look fabulous darlink!!! So where's the fat bits you want to get rid of??? I'd love to have a figure like that!!!!

Shell (in NZ) said...

@ssw0rdLol, the fat bits are all over the place... especially my arms. Man, I hate my arms. But enough of that! It also helps when it's one of the kids behind the camera, because I am happy.

The job is surveys- I always liked answering them...hopefully I get those people tonight. There are all kinds of different ones I 'll be working on, and I don't find out which until I log in to work for my shift :0)

Anonymous said...

Have emailed you :)


Anonymous said...

I think you are looking great too!