A day in the life of us...

I keep forgetting to write in here- mostly it's because our camera went awol for 2 weeks, and I don't like reading blogs without photos!

I don't really have time today to write here, but that seems to be when I get the most done- so here goes...

Today began at 6:30am for Tombliboo (3.25 yrs) and I...he is waking later- this is good news for me, because I don't like getting up when it's dark, but mostly because I am trying to night-wean him. He hasn't had "boobah" at night for 5 days now.

This does not mean he is not waking at night, though I hope it will soon. We discuss "boobah" in the night- we share sleep, and we snuggle in the night. I hold him in my arms and tell him he can have boobah in the morning (by that I mean 5am, which is not really morning at all). It feels really mean to me one one level, but on another, I just know it is time.

For one thing, I am really tired. I think there gets to be a time with a night-waking infant that you can't get any more tired, and I got there about 3 years ago, but haven't recovered. Tombliboo has always been the worst sleeper of any child I have yet heard of. He woke 1-2 hrly from 2 months old, and has continued the pattern to today...or at least, to recently when I asked that he not feed at night.

The other thing is that he recently went away for 3 nights with his Dad and siblings, and I didn't get sore. Not one little teeny bit- which let me know that for all the feeding (half-hourly through the day) my darling Tombliboo is drinking air.

But last week, I started to get annoyed at every little thing anyone did...it was despicable, and I thought to myself- if I could change one thing about my life to make it better- what would it be? I need sleep. 11pm-5am with 3-4 wakings a night for 3 years is not enough sleep for me.

If you're tired and reading this and think it's a great idea for you, please remember Tombliboo is 39 months old. I am also on my own with 3 children, and working 16 hours a week. I get 2 hours without children a week. But that would not matter if he were under 2- babies need boobah, regardless of the time of day.

SO, the cool thing about starting today at 6:30am, is that Tombliboo slept from 11pm- he woke around 3am and asked for boobah, I reminded him he could have it in the morning and right now we needed to sleep. He protested half-heatedly, and tried to help himself, I turned him round so his back was to my tummy, and we went back to sleep...or he did, I don't think I slept until I extricated my arm 2 or 3 hours alter.

After his morning feed, I set him up with a movie so I could sneak back to bed- this isa wodnerufl trick I only just thought of...only not really, because he lieks me to watch with him, or will come and ask me a million things and it doesnt; really mean any erst- only this morning it did! Until the phone rang at 7:30am (wrong number)...and I remembered I am expecting a courier, and it doesn't do to arrive at hte door dishevelled and half-asleep.

I won an amazing prize package to the Auckland Cup Week. I just knew I woud win since I didn;t want it. It is 10 tickets to a gourmet lunch in the hospitality section. it is a very fancy affair, and not my thng at all...it is $135 + GST a ticket. I will take J-Man and maybe Princess, though that might be pushign it, and Tombliboo will spend the afternoon with his Dad (hopefully, though not confirmed). A few friends will come, and I hope to sell some of the tickets as well, to cash in on the prize.

The lunch is amazing. You can see the menu by clicking on Champions Club from this link.

J-Man and Princess woke late after a big day out at the BFM Summer Series Concert yesterday. We didn't get home until 9pm, but it felt like midnight after a day in the sun.

We met up with friends there, and it was a lot of fun. But The Mint Chicks (only band I had heard of) were amazing. I only knew one of their songs, Crazy? Yes! Dumb? No! but I love it.

It's the only one of their songs remotely mainstream, as far as I can tell- but it was a lot of fun. My friend's hubby watched the kids in the fenced (B-card only) area, while we went in the mosh pit.

After I went back to check on the kids, after I heard that one song I loved- it got all exciting, with the lead singer climbing on some scaffolding and then up on to the marquee! It was very cool...he lay there, on top of a tent, and kept singing!

So, back to today- the kids slept in. I need to catch up on all the big jobs I usually do on Sunday- mostly picking up every little thing so I can sweep and wash floors properly....which I also haven't begun yet, since I'm writing here, and did my Monday jobs (bathroom/toilet/table/washing).

So, Princess (7) has been looking through my clothes wondering when she will be as tall as me- not long, I guess since I'm really short and her dad is 6"3'. Currently she is making up a little chair from a Kitkat flyer we got at the concert.

Tombliboo has been watching Curious George, and is now playing a game with counting teddies- they re all talking to each other and to some plastic animals.

J-Man (11) is talking to a friend in LA on xbox while he plays demos- including DigDug (!) which he hasn't played since he was 4.

It's 10:30am and we have already discussed dress code, gambling rules, growth and height, seeds, acorns, energy, patterns and eggs, and the kids have only been up 90 minutes, and I have been somewhat out-of-action playing catch-up on the messy house and on here. This is why it pays to record the days you think nothing is happening, and nothing is likely to happen due to busy-ness.

I will aim to add more through the day, and some photos when I find the cable...

The coolest Week!

My first day of work on Monday was pretty exciting- more so because 90 minutes before I was due to start Telecom finally gave us a solution to our wavering internet problem- the jack is busted, and will require me to pay $190 to have a technician come out.

Right. No internet, and the first day of my job baring down on me- I moved the entire set-up in to my bedroom, so we could use the non-faulty jack. With about a minute to spare, I finished the macaroni cheese for the kids (no time to dish it up), and sat down for my first night.

It was boring work, oh so very boring work...but this is a job that lets me work from home and doesn't require me to have a babysitter- I'm not going to complain too hard.

I set the older two up with a payment scheme for caring for their little brother, including a bonus for not allowing me to be interrupted. They earned it.

I was tired after that, and couldn't stay up to watch a movie.

The next day we went to play with another unschooling family. Had a blast. Right when we were getting ready to leave with more unschoolers who had arrived and chatted for a bit, it was suggested we all go swimming. I really wanted to go, because it was hot- and I wanted the kids to have more fun...but i was a bit nervous about the time constraint of needing to be home, with quiet children by 6pm.


We went anyway- the water was lovely. The warmest beach I have ever swum in- it was insane really- I braced myself for freezing water, and it was like a tepid bath...I thought it would get cooler as we got deeper, but it really didn't. That was my first swim in about a year I think!

We got home, with 18 minutes until I was supposed to make my first call. Dumped the gear, fumbled with the (stupid) lock, ran to the shower, got half-dressed, sorted food fr the kiddos, and began work on time. This time, all the children at one time or another sat in with me- as quietly as they could, which for Tombliboo is just not quiet at all. I thought I was doing the job badly, but it turned out that that night I tied for Best Results.


Wednesday we stayed home all day, and no work in the evening. It was very nice.

Thursday we did our usual shopping ,and in the afternoon the kids went with their Dad. I got my eyelashes/brows tinted. It's a luxury I probably shouldn't have bothered with- but I have wanted to get them done for a long time (about 5 years)...I used my first pay (from the training last week) to do it, so I didn't feel too bad...except I will probably regret it soon- not now though :0)

Friday we went to a group for older homeschooled boys- it was marvelous. J-Man was excited about it, but pretty nervous since the two boys who's home it was at were kids he hadn't played with since he was 5. He had the time of his life. He didn't want to come home when we were ready to go.

I thought we were in a hurry to get back for work (I do have this need to be prepared, in case you haven't noticed!)...herealyl didn;t want to come, and said he coudl bus home on his own. I didn't doubt he could, but in a bizarre unmother of the year moment I agreed. I made no plans for someone to care for him- just took the little ones home. My cellphone had run out of battery, and I figured I could talk to someone when I got home- but goodness knows why I made no arrangements before hand (beside that I had Tombliboo on my back and a big bag to carry and didn't relish walking any more than I needed to to get to the bus stop).

I fretted all the way home, then put the phone on the charger, and texted my friend to ask her to care for J-Man. She already was. I felt terrible. She relieved me by insisting it was nothing, and that I am lucky to live in a community where i don't have to "do it all". I am lucky :0)

She brought him home close to when I finished my shift. They stayed and played/chatted for a while, and it was a really nice way to spend Friday night.

Saturday, the kids went with their Dad, and I did my shift on my own. He also wanted to take them for a BBQ dinner, so I had some time off at the end of work. I read my book in the hammock- since the bike ride I had decided to go on (because I was sooo bored and so sick of sitting inside!), was thwarted by melded-to-the-wheel-brakes.

I had no friends available to go out, and couldn't really go anywhere when I needed to be home by 8pm...but decided that I am not going to spend every scarp of time off at home waiting for it all to start again. I went in to town and saw a movie. It was lovely. A bit odd to be at the movies on my own, but I soon forgot about that and just enjoyed myself.


It's been a really full-on week. I lost 16 hours to my job, and it really feels like it. I'm sure it will get easier, meanwhile we can look forward to a bigger pay packet this week, and a lot more fun for the future.

Some random photos

Update- Me

I am having a wonderful time...I feel very alive, I feel younger. People say I look happier.

I met someone last week who I haven't seen for over 2 years, who thought I looked unstressed, not at all how I used to look.

There is stress in my life, to be sure- plenty of it really...but it is not the same as before...I feel lighter, I really do.

This weekend, the kids have gone up north to see their grandparents. I miss them like crazy. I used to wish for a weekend to do as I pleased...it's crap really.

Well, it's a mixture really. I can do as I please, but I realise I don;t necessarily want to just please myself. I am enjoying listening to music, and I enjoy the silence (to a degree). I can eat when I feel like it, and it is more relaxing. My children don't always want to eat at the same time as me, or each other- so it can feel like I am preparing food all day long.

I know the kids will be having a blast- they may even get to go sailing. They won;t be missing me- they'll be too busy... though Princess told me the other time they went away that she kept thinking of me and wondering if I was ok. She said it didn't feel like real life without a Mama. She is so sweet.

I did my work training without having to worry about a babysitter, or rushing to get home. I did the grocery shopping on my own. I set up my little office- ready for work on Monday night. I won a 3 dvd prize pack that got delivered out-of-the-blue. Tonight I'm going to a play (outdoors!) with a friend. I choose girly movies to watch. I read my book on the hammock.

I felt insanely lonely last night, and considered going in to town for some music and dancing, and just to talk to somebody in person- but couldn't imagine being the only person there without a friend. Next time, I will go...because I'm not going to have fun and meet new people in my lounge.

I went on a chat forum, and was astonished to see the things people write- it looked fun, but I wouldn't do it...well, maybe a bit more anonymously. I realised I wasn't really lonely at all...I like to be alone sometimes. I want to be alone sometimes. yes, I would like to be with friends- but I have friends. I could have phoned someone, or texted, or e-mailed. But I don't need to be with someone 24:7...I turned the music up louder and danced in my lounge. It's better that way actually, because really I am not much of a dancer.

I talked to my oldest friend J on the phone, and then I watched am movie (it was strange), and then my friend R noticed I was online so she called at 10:30pm... and I can do that when I am on my own...and we had a great chat, and then my friend C started texting...she sent 11 texts or so- she can type 11 texts in the time it takes me to type 3. I had given up feeling lonely, and suddenly I felt really popular.

So, now I'll check my facebook games, and other e-mails, and hang the washing, and do the dishes, maybe dance a little in my lounge, probably eat some breakfast, call a friend, and get excited about the play tonight.

Yes, life is good, it really is.

Update- Hammock

I put our hammock up. It was a wedding present that sat in our various garages for 14 years. The kids love it...I love it...it's magic just lying there reading a book, listening to cicadas and wood pigeons, and feeling as though someone is rocking you gently off to sleep.

For the children- sometimes it's relaxing, sometimes it's more lie the pirate ship at Rainbow's End.

Whatever the mood, the hammock has been fabulous for getting the kids outside, and helping them foster friendships- their friendships with each other mostly. We haven't managed to get all 4 of us on it- but we could. J-Man, Princess and I have had snuggles on there, and we could easily fit one more.

We have a grumpy neighbour. We also have lovely neighbours, but this one man is a grump. He's yelled and sworn at the kids before, but the other day he did so with words children shouldn't be hearing. I was very cross when they told me, and stewed over what I should do- he's quite pleasant to me. While I was still phoning friends, getting opinions, wondering what course of action would be best for us...two ladies from School Support Services arrived.

These are basically truancy officers. They had had a complaint. They wouldn't admit to that- but there is no other possibility. We live done a a very long driveway miles off the road. The kids have never been enrolled in a school- noone knows we are here. The grumpy neighbour in his rant had screamed 'Why aren't you F'in Bas*ards in school?", so we knew from which direction it had come. What was surprising was that a complaint was acted on in 2 hours!


I explained the children were homeschooled (they were still out on the hammock, with Tombliboo, naked, swinging on the clothesline no less)...they asked fro proof. It just so happened I had my exemptions in the kitchen- they didn't like J-Man's one was from 2005. I explained legally I was only required to get an exemption once, and then it was up the Education Review Office to determine if we were teaching as regularly and s well as a registered school- which they did 3 years ago.

We had a nice chat- they "Admired" me, I was "so brave", they were glad to send their children off to school the day before and get back to work. I must seem like an alien- I love my children, I love being with them...I am not looking forward to the day they are gone. I am not hoping it will come quicker, and I am not looking for somewhere for them to stay for the best part of the day.


Anyway, our neighbour knows the children are home-educated. We've discussed it more than once. It seems to me he must have been wallowing in his cave, listening to their awful laughter, and just waiting for the first day of school to arrive so he could complain about them not being stuck in one.



The silly thing is that these are not unreasonable people- if he had politely asked them to tone the noise down a little, they would have done so. If they forgot, as kids sometimes do, and the noise levels escalated again...I would have intervened. There was no need for any nastiness. It needn't have been a big deal.

Update- NZ Breakers

Princess and I went to see the NZ Breakers have a training session with a bunch of homeschoolers last week. We also got to hear a bit about all the players, and go on a tour of their training facility.

The kids did some ball skills and games with one of the coaches, and it was a lot of fun.

J-Man wouldn't go- he feels that basketball is a waste of time. "Mum", he says completely seriously, "It's about putting a ball through a circle...there is absolutely no point" I still thought it just might be fun, but he didn't agree, and I knew his mind was made up.

Princess has never held a basketball in her life. It didn't matter, she loves new experiences. She a a wonderful time, and even got the phone number of another little girl she spent the day with (there were no children there she knew).

I loved watching these men, and some of the technically difficult moves they were pulling off as though they were nothing at all. I'd like to get along to a game before the season ends. I haven't been to a basketball game since I became a mum.

When I work out how, I'll add a photo from my cellphone.

Update- School

J-Man is considering school...not in the "I really want to go" sort of way, just in the "Oh dear- I only have one friend I hardly ever see" sort of way.

This is a bizarre change in our lives, which seems to coincide with J-Man's age. Other home edders I know, who's boys have been happy suddenly aren't around this age.

For the record, J-Man is still very happy...I thought when he said his life was "sad", that he was sad. That wasn't it at all- he is merely changing, and what was a happy arrangement before (regarding friends) is no longer.

So this is cool...we will work at getting more friends. And I have noticed J-Man is working at being more tolerant and flexible. Half the reason he has only had one friend for so many years, was because he loved that one friend, and noone else really measured up to J13.

J-Man started to notice how many friends I seem to have, and wondered why he only had the one. He doesn't really- he only has one who he thinks the world of, one friend who he feels is like a brother. In fact- it's adorable. His friend just signed up for facebook, and has listed J-Man as his brother. It nearly made me cry.

J-Man has plenty of other kids he could call friends if he wanted to- he just hasn't wanted to until now. I feel like I've been given a "get out of jail free" card...we can make plans to go out now. We can go meet people. Some will click, some won't- but that doesn't matter. Princess will love it!


I really hope we can come up with the friends J-Man needs. It's still not the easiest thing in the world- this angst seems so common, and it does seem that around 9 a lot of boys here do go to school. I hope we can pull through this time...meanwhile, just saying he wants more friends seems to have helped J-Man see I already gave birth to 2 friends for him (to use Rose's saying)...he has been having a glorious time with Princess this week- playing guitar hero, and sitting on the hammock playing talking games...you know where one will say ,"and then I find a bazooka", and the other will add, "Yeah, but it doesn't go", and they flick back and forth about who knows what but it is all-encompassing and sends them in to fits of giggles. Yes, life is good.

Update- work

A whole lot has been happening here. I haven't thought them all through ready to present in any sort of orderly way- so just off the top of my head...

I was looking for a job- preferably just one day a week so the kids could be with their Dad, and I didn't have to miss out on seeing them (or arrange prohibitive childcare).

I finally found something that sounded fairly perfect- for 16 hours, not the 8 I had hoped for- but from home, which seemed possible. I applied, got shortlisted, had an interview, got the job, did some training and start on Monday night.

It is telephone market research from home. I'll be working 4 nights a week 6-9pm, and Saturdays 10am-2pm. It doesn't sound like a big commitment- except for my darling 3 year old- who really has not learned "wait", and seems wholly unable to grasp the concept. I'm pretty nervous about how it will work. And, if I'm being honest- it's not just the wee guy...at 11 and 7, my "big" kids are chronic at interrupting me if I'm on the phone.

But, it will mean a big change for us- a whole lot more freedom financially... not in the free-as-a-bird sense, but maybe not having to say "no" to so many (pretty ordinary) things.

How it will work, being a mother receiving a benefit, is that I will earn half as much for the second 8 hours as for the first...but it's still extra, and I'm really excited.

The "big kids" are onboard, and know they will be needed to help out...this is good for all of us. I can trust them- they know I probably can't do this without them...they know it will mean their lives get a bit more exciting. They also know, I am almost fully-available from when they wake up until close to 6pm, and will be again after 9pm. All we can do is try.

The work itself will probably be rather boring, but I'm motivated enough by the idea of taking the kids swimming every now and again, or maybe buying takeaways, and saving for the camp we plan to go on later this year.

The best bit about this is wile I hope to rely on their Dad to be caring for them on Saturdays (and have asked for one evening a week as well)...if he doesn't show for whatever reason- I can still work.

I've been really happy not working, but I think I will be happy still...it was fun going to my first interview in 14 years. I felt confident (mostly because I felt I was a shoo-in), and it feels great to be taking a bit more control over my life.

They pay an allowance for out internet- so I have bumped it up again...we will now get 40gb a month...this would not have been enough on this particular month- we are up to 47gb with 3 days to go until out new month begins...and 40gb of that was used on the first 2 days! Thanks to J-Man and xbox live.

This update is going to get gigantic- so I'll make a few updates isntead :0)

J-Man turns 11!

He had been to Moto-X the night before with his Dad, and arrived home on the morning of his birthday with his best friend J13 and cousin M12.

He opened his presents. He already had his second x-box controller, and knew about an xbox game he'd asked for and seen me purchase (PGR), but I had hoped to keep his last present secret.

Unfortunately, he had seen the courier arrive with it, and Princess had blurted what she thought it was. He had mentioned being "addicted to Guitar Hero" (a demo), and I was trying to see if I could get it and stay within my budget. Princess had told me he really wanted it and I had said I was trying to get it but not to tell him. I secreted the rather obvious-looking package away, but J-Man went looking for it and eventually confirmed what he supposed- that his final present was the guitar.

I was really disappointed for him knowing all his presents before the day- though he acted surprised enough. Anyway, he enjoyed unwrapping them and Princess and Tombliboo had made cards for him too. He had asked for a pianta, so we went outside to give that a whack.

I didn't want to make it too easy to smash, and in my exuberance- I pretty much made it impossible to smash. A slit with a craft knife soon sorted that out, and lollies, lollipops and mars bars showered down in to our carport.

The boys headed back inside with their loot, and with J-Man's favourite chips (Tomato Skoffs, ex Munchos) and fizzy (Coke) they played on his x-box, and went for a quick drive to the shop to buy x-box live points so he could get the full version of a demo he enjoyed (Castle Crashers).

We had his favourite homemade lunch (dinner usually), Chicken Laksa, and then his cake. He had requested a lemon cheesecake (like last year) "but without the onions."

There were no onions in last year's cheesecake. What happened was that the gelatin went too hard- probably I left it too long...and I wasn't sure what to do, but went ahead and beat it as the recipe directed, hoping it would come right. It didn't. The cheesecake taste nice, but the texture was somewhat less desirable. It really looked like there were small chunk of onion in it, and it was a bit of a disaster.



This year I found a recipe that had a jelly in it, and hope for the best. It tastes heavenly (though insanely sweet), and I added a hand-drawn duraseal-covered xbox controller to the top with a happy birthday sign and 11 candles. He was very pleased.

After lunch, J-Man and his friend went Rock-climbing with his Dad. He came home around 5pm ,and played on his xbox until friends of hours came over for dinner and the evening.

J-Man, Princess and Tombliboo had a wonderful time with H13, Z10 and J6..playing xbox, cards, Wii (the friends brought their's over), and swinging on our clothesline.



We got pizza for dinner- J'Man's real favourite, and said goodbye around 11pm. He was keen to watch Frankenstein, but I was had it so we agreed to head to bed and definitely watch it the following day.

The plan for his birthday had changed several times, and he didn't like that, but said it had been a great day. Happy Birthday Gorgeous!

Scooby Dooby Doo!

My children have loved Scooby since their first introduction to him. We first watched the film with J-Man when he was 3. Princess and Tombliboo have watched Scooby since birth. Their television/movie watching habits differ to J-Man's...where he would watch a movie once, then probably not want to see it again for several years- his younger siblings are happy to watch a movie, then play it again directly after.

Both the little ones, as 2 year olds would actually watch the same film only for an extraordinary amount of time- maybe 12-30 times before moving on to another film, and proceeding to watch that same film to the extremes of the first.

I won't pretend it never bothered me...it did. But I tried to keep quiet. If that is what they wanted to do, I was happy to facilitate.

Scooby has lasted such a long time. Right when it seems we have seen every episode a new movie or series will come out. This is a series that began in 1969! Between our own collection, and Fatso (dvd delivery service) and You Tube, we can see a lot of Scooby- and the little ones never seem to tire of it.

Recently they have played Scooby and Shaggy. They take breaks from it, and do other things, but they remain in character for most of the day. They replay snippets from movies/cartoon episodes, and they create their own as well.

Princess (7) plays a great Shaggy- she has a real knack for imitating voices (as evidenced by her American accent, followed by her English one, and currently an odd mixture of Kiwi-American-English). Tombliboo (3) does a good Scooby, and has incorporated "r" words in to his ordinary vocabulary. "Roh-Oh Raggy!"


Sometimes I am enlisted to join in their play. I get to be Velma, because I've got "brown hair". Yesterday I was told I must not say "Jinkies" so often. "Mu-um!", Princess informs me, "Velma says "Jinkies" when she finds a clue, just like Shaggy says "Zoinks" when he sees a monster or ghost- you can't just say them all the time and think that makes you Velma or Shaggy."

This morning, Princess in her ever-imaginative way has created a storyline which would do Hannah-Barbera proud. She has made a collar for Tombliboo, raisins in place of Scooby-snax, and various clues she has left around the house.

I love watching them in their play, listening to how it is developing, noticing how much of the subtleties of the movies they are able to incorporate in to it, seeing just how long they can play at something with minimal props. I love watching them interacting, though there are 4 years between them- this one shared interest enables them to be of equal value in the game.

I think I might clear a space on the bench, and suggest we make scooby snax together!

Quick Update

Life is great at the moment. It's sunny, which is always nice...everything is ticking along smoothly. We're at home a lot, which is great for getting things done, and giving children the freedom they need. But we're out a bit too, which gives us a neat balance.

The house is always a mess, and it's quite hard for me to handle that- since it seems like I am cleaning up all the time..but as my dear Nan (87) says..."You can't have children without mess."

I'm trying to lose weight. It seems to be working fairly well right now, but I am on Day 4 (after a break at Christmas) and that is when I usually throw it in. Hopefully it's different this time- we'll see :0)

This morning Princess found the doctor kit, and asked if I would be her patient.

Princess: "Next...that means you come in and lie down, Mum."
Me: "I'm very sick- I don't know what's wrong with me."
Princess: "I'll just check your heart. It is beating loudly- you are very loving."
Me: "Thank you, yes, I love a lot of people a great deal."
Princess: "Now I will check your blood pulse."
Tombliboo: "Pulsatilla? Yes- I have it right here."
Princess: "I think you are probably very tired and need a long rest. Can I get you something to eat or drink?"
Me: "Yes, I am very tired"
Princess: "You need to have some medicine."
Me: "Oh, I don;t really like taking medicine."
Princess: "It will be ok- it's is very necessary, and it tastes like strawberry."
Me: Right. Good. Well, now I would like to see if I can get the trampoline put up for you."
Princess: Mu-um...we're playing! We need the trampoline, but we really need you to get better. Dr T will cherish you until the morning and I'll come back to check on you."
Tombliboo: "Just lie there sir, and I will play you some music." (gets out his electric guitar).
Princess: "Cook-a-doodle-doo...Good morning- how's the patient? I've checked over all your tests and I think there is nothing medically wrong with you any more. Would you like your nails cut?"

How people learn

Just in case you're wondering if your children are learning anything much right now...I have been there. This week J-Man (nearly 11) decided he would like to do a stop motion video. He found software that he thought looked good. It was $US295. He looked around and found a trial for the same software for free.

I watched him at work, so skillful though he had only seen the software for the first time an hour ago. He made it look terribly easy, and the end result looks reasonably simple- but there is so much that goes in to even a short animation.

I thought about how cool it was that he decided to do this, and that he did it without a teacher, without any assistance at all actually- beyond reading help files and googling questions he had.

Then I got to wondering if everything he did last week, that was nothing new, was somehow "less than" what he has done this week. Crazy really- because all that went before helped get him to this point.

I thought about how he learns, with a bit of a cruise, just enjoying life, then a sudden flurry (like a whizz round an off-road track) then back to the Sunday drive. I realised too that it's a bit how I learn.

Looking in at my life, people wouldn't say "My goodness see how much she learned today"...or "Yes, I see it- a little bit more than yesterday, progress is being made".

Real life isn't like that. In school you get nice little dollops spoon-fed, and children can often recite what (the teacher said) was learned toady. Real life learning is far more random. Far more beautiful.

Princess discovered this week that she can read upside-down. It never occurred to her to check before, but it came up naturally whilst waiting for a bus, and it was cool to watch.

When J-Man gets home, I'll see if he can work out how to put his little animation on to here.

Not good...

Tombliboo had a bad accident on Tuesday night- he likes to climb on the climbing frame, then from there to the washing line, then hang there, or swing himself and jump (or drop) off on to the grass.

That night he missed something or other- my first time not watching him do it- heard him scream, ran for my life and found him curled up in a ball...I didn't really look at him too much, just snuggled him and brought him inside, then we noticed his bleeding knee and thumb- getting set to get him plasters, then looked at him again and saw the world's most enormous bump on his forehead.

I have *never* seen anything like it, and I have seen big bumps before...this was much bigger than a golf ball- i wish I had taken a photo, because it is difficult to explain the size of it- it sounds like an exaggeration, but is not.

Anyway, too busy for photos- he had been silent when I picked him up, and I didn't click at all until later that he was knocked out...he then proceeded to scream, and refuse to be put down...I showed the neighbour because I thought he probably needed to see the dr, he agreed...I borrowed their car, and drove to the hospital (not knowing where it was).

We waited for ever, then Tombliboo fell asleep- still alternating between drowsiness and screaming/moaning, but never getting off my lap.

The dr was concerned about the height from which he had fallen, and the size of the lump- by this time far, far smaller and still 6cm by 4cm...then he started to worry about a bleed on the brain, and while he thought (and hoped) Tommy would wake up fine, he couldn't say for sure and would hate to miss it- so requested an urgent ambulance for us to go to Starship for a CT brain scan.

He told the receptionist he needed the ambulance here in 10 minutes, no more than 12 for a suspected brain injury, and I held myself together only just. By this time Aimee was crying at the thought of losing her brother, and Josh was trying to cheer us all up by being supremely optimistic.

I arranged for Ben's Nana to pick the kids up from Starship Children's Hospital to take them home (already 10:45pm), and to call Ben to let him know what was happening (he had gone to Kerikeri a few hours before). Also rang J9 for moral support, and when we arrived at the hospital (miles after we should have I reckon), she and baby M(2 months) were waiting for us, as well as Nana.

Tomblioo slept for most of the ambulance ride, and they even took a blood-sugar sample without him flinching...when he eventually did come to, he spoke normally, and seemed ok albeit a little drowsy (but most chidlren would be at that time anyway). I had concerns about the CT scan- any radiation on such a small body can't be good...but J9 told me afterward that it is actually 100 times more than an xray! That is every pulse too, and there is no guarantee they will get the right shot in one attempt. He was also going to need to be sedated because of his age.

I opted for some more monitoring, so he was attached to an ecg, pulsoximeter and bp machine- until 5am...so the infernal beeping, and then fast beeping at the smallest change in readings made it impossible to rest.

In the morning, he woke perfectly lucid, with barely any swelling, and wanted to see Josh and Aimee and go to his house. They agreed he was unlikely to need a brain scan, and gave me a checklist for things to watch for over the next 12 hours. We were released around 9am, and then caught a bus and walked a bit to Ben's Nana's to pick up the kids. J9 met us there and took us to North Shore hospital so we could pick up the neighbour's car, and we went home.

He is very well now- the bruise on his head is very light, and his black eye is pretty decent, but lightening each day. He's annoyed at me for moving the climbing frame again, and really, really wants to hang on the washing line- but we'll leave that for a while I think.

Once again I have been helped by amazing friends and am very grateful we are all happy and healthy.

If you're happy and you know it...

Clap your hands (don't eat them!) :0)

We are having such a cool week!

Yesterday we had friends arrive out-of-the blue, and that was lovely.

Then, we received a giant Lego pack, purchased after selling unwanted toys.


The kids finished the Lego in a few hours, and had a blast building it all.


Then our (awesome) neighbour came over with an armchair he and his wife were going to give to the Sallies after purchasing a new suite. It's not any old armchair- it's a la-z-boy, and it is superb!

He also brought round a compost bin he has made for me! I have been hanging out for a compost bin, and burying food scraps so as not to send them to the landfill...but it is a pain, and I don;t need another garden plot.

Every time I think I have set aside money to buy a compost bin, I use it for something more pressing...and I also just discovered they are far more costly than I had supposed. It's a real boon!

Today we went to visit unschooling friends in the morning, then walked through a bush to get to a cool park and meet up with other home edders for a picnic.

The children had a fabulous time together, then we went back to our friends' home, and enjoyed another few hours with them.

In that time, the kids also had a swim at one of their friends' homes, and then we got dropped home as well (instead of having to catch a bus).

Now the kiddos are fed and happy- watching a Scooby-Doo movie, and all is right with the world :0)

Announcement

No easy way to say it, but I left my husband (or nearly 14 years) in September.

The children and I have moved back to Auckland, and are renting a place in a nice neighbourhood- close to good friends, and with lots of room for us.

Some days I think I was nuts to do this, others I can't believe I didn't leave sooner...but the big news is that we are very happy.

In fact, the happiness of the children was what kept me there, and it turns out to have not been necessary. Of course, it's early days really, but for now we are all doing very well.


The children have made new friends (as have I), and we are growing plenty of veges...or at least- we've planted them- we're yet to sample more than a few lettuce leaves and a cherry tomato ;0)

We have all our stuff out of storage. We had to buy furniture since we sold all our's, but we got bargains at the local opshop.

Money is tight, but it was before as well...I am on a benefit, which I can;t like, but a kind friend did some numbers for me- and showed that if I went to work full time I would cost the government (and therefore taxpayers) an extra $15K than if I look after my own children. I'm sure this way is a load healthier for us all, even if it does mean we have to really think about every dollar.

We will stay unschooling, and I will stay close to my babies. Currently J-Man (nearly 11) is busy making online games through gamemaker...he has a fabulous knack for the mechanics of it- makes it look simple enough that maybe I could have a go at it one day.


Princess (7) is now reading quite well. Not fluent yet, but not far off. She plays every day with the neighbour's boys, and has a gigantic collection of plastic ponies that keep her busy for hours.


Tombliboo (just 3) amuses us every day with the funny things he says. He is taking a big interest in other children at the moment, and is a whiz on the computer. A little bit too friendly with delete buttons, but amazing to watch really.


Very sorry for those of you how probably deserved a personal e-mail (at least) to say this. It's not really easy to admit, and I have been hiding out just a little bit. Onward and upwards though...I'm certain this was the best thing for all five of us.

Shame

I'm reading in Parenting for a Peaceful World about Shame at the moment, and how crippling it can be. I'm not sure how I feel about all that is implied. I don't know that I carry a big burden of shame, and I guess in a funny sort of a way- I always assumed it was probably a good thing to feel embarrassed and remorseful when you've stuffed up.

It won;t come as a big surprise though to learn I don't much care for my children to be weighed down by such an emotion.

Robin Grille talks about how the predominant parenting mode of today )and the last 50 years or so) is "Socialising Mode", where parents no longer beat their children or treat them with physical cruelty...but they still attempt to control their behaviours, primarily through manipulation- one tool of which is shaming. It makes for very interesting reading, and I can see that the next mode, the "Helping" mode, is vastly different than it's predecessor.

It happened right after reading a few paragraphs of this particular chapter, that I had a little scene with Tombliboo (nearly 3). He asked for a drink in the lounge. I said no because we don;t have sugary drinks in the lounge, only water, and only water in bottles actually. This is because we are renting a fully-furnished place, and I want to care for the landlady's things as well as possible. I know how easy it is to spill a drink, with no intention whatsoever of doing so.

However, Tombliboo persisted, and eventually I agreed. The inevitable occurred, and what did my little boy do? He ran to get a cloth. He said, "I spilled the drink Mama. I just clean it up, I sorry to spill it- it all clean now." He was smiling, I snuggled him and finished the job. It was no big disaster (it had tipped on the lino, thank goodness), but I saw in that moment that he was not ashamed. He was sorry he had made a mess, he probably (or possibly?) gleaned that I had been right in what I had said...but mostly, he knew it needed cleaning, and he did it as well as he could. There was no shame. He didn't feel any, because I didn't make him feel it. There was no shame necessary, in fact.

Later in the day, he was cross that we were all playing a game he can't play (he attempts it, but it is beyond him atm). He picked up some cards, and yelled. "I gonna put these cards in da freezer! I gonna put dem in da rubbish! I gonna throw these cards everywhere!" I was a bit distracted with the game ,and didn't respond as quickly as I might have, but at that point, said, "I can see you are feeling very cross."

It was too late to stop him throwing the cards, but he *immediately* said, "Sorry Mama", and came for a cuddle. I cuddled him, and said, "I would feel much happier if you picked those cards up for Mama", and he did. No fuss whatsoever. I thanked him for his help, and we had a nice long snuggle.

Tombliboo is not as reasonable as J-Man and Princess were at his age. He has always struck me as being quite different, in that he wants what he wants (who doesn't?) but he won't be diverted from it. I think I am finally seeing that while he is not always obliging, he is getting there. But he is not doing so out of fear or duty, but out of respect and love for me- at least that's what I reckon :0)

School

School

I always knew home was better than school. It's just logical that a child will fare better in a family than in a room of 30 kids the same age. I remember when we first looked in to homeschooling for J-Man (he was 4.5 yrs at the time). I was told that if oen wanted to follow the NZ curriculum (which from all I had heard, I certainly did not), it woudl take a homeschooling family 2 hours a week.

I was sure they must mean 2 hours a day, which was still astonishing given tghat chidlren are at school for 6 horus a day. But no, it was actually 2 hours a week (instead of 30) that was required to get through the curriculum.

Ayyway, so I have always known my children were learning stuff. Recently I had someone suggest to me that J-Man is opposed to learning, that he doesn't like to learn, and somehow you would need to trick him or cajole him in to it. I didn't know what to say at the time, ebcause it did look just at that moment like it might be the case.

But upon reflection, I realised that J-Man loves to learn (as do all humans), he simply doesn't like to be taught, and he doesn't like learning to be boring...who does? He has always been like that, and here's the thing...learning is NOT boring when you are learning what interests you. It's fascinating. If you are used to a life of natural learning, learning what is important to you- of course you would find staged learning inferior. You may even come across as someone who despises learning.

When J-Man was 4, and nearly a fluent reader, I asked him one day, "How would you spell 'computer'?" He roleld his eyes at me, and said, "Mum! You're trying to teach me again and you know it doesn't work!" Yes, 4 years old...I have always known that he prefers to learn in his own way and without interference, but I must have forgotten briefly.

Anywya, so through the years, I didn't doubt that my chidlren were learning. I wodnered if they were learning what they would in school- but not in a worryign sort of a way, just curious. Actually, I suspected their learning was far broader. There's a quote I read once, which I won't be able to find now we're on dial-up...but it was fro ma Summerhill Graduate, and it was saying somethign like, "We did a bit of everything, and collected puzzle pieces over the years, and then suddenly it all came together, all the pieeces fit". It was as if to say, that while the learning wasn't metered out in even doses, adn they didn't know *what* they were learning or how it related to the whole, or even if it was going to add up...somehow it did.

I think my children's learning looks like a muddle probably from the outside. It is a little bit here and there, adn then nothing for a long time, and then a big lot of something seemingly unimportant (or certainly not from the curricum)...but it is making connections all over the place.

J-Man drew a picture yesterday of The Unschooler's Brain...this is my son who has drawn only a handful of times since he was 6. Suddenly he likes to draw, and he is quite good at it actually.

But to look at this picture, it really was a brain shaped scribble. But when you looked closer, you saw that it was firign all over the place. It wasn't ordered, it was a scramble. If you looked closely you coudl see puzzle pieces. He explained the drawing at length, and I thought, "Here is a boy who really understands how his mind works."

OK, so I'm an unschooling convert, lol, nothing new about that...but here's the thing. I sometimes doubted, well I doubted a lot every so often, but I tried not to project that on to my children. I doubted that they were learning as much as they could be. I doubted that school kids were learning little to nothign in 6 hours a day 5 days a week. It didn't bother me, or wish a different childhood for my babies...after all, even if they don't learn as much or as well as a child in shcool- I still think unschooling is superior. There is more to life than letters and numbers. Do I wish for them to be surrounded by clever peopel, or by kind? I want them to grow up free, to grow up doign the thigns they love, and no, I am not concerned that the ywon;t be abel to handle "the real world", where there are jobs and people you don't like.

I'm rambling...so, they went to school. And, well, I have to admit I was astonished by how little they did! I was. I thoguth they woudl do sooo much, and certainly so much more than at home. But it was not the case. OK, so J-Man only went for 3 days, and yes- it wa a fairly low-standard school...but still, I knwo now that our "doing nothing" days, still involve more learning than a day in school.

As far as written work goes, in a full day of school...J-Man brought hom a maths book with the following written.

2+2=2x2
2+2+2=2x3
2+2+2+2=2x4 and so on up to 12x2

The next day he did 3x, adn the last day 4x.

I felt certain they woudl just give him busy work, since they would have no idea of what level he was functioning at. But no, he assured me this was what the whole class was doing.

He typed a story on the computer, actually more of a short account of his weekend.

He wrote a line of e's, and a few Maori words. He probably wrote less than the other children, because his writing is laborious.

They sang songs (all in Maori), and they listened to children giving mini-speeches in Maori. They walked to the library (which apprently took a very long time, by the time everyoen was ready, and in a straight line). They chose books there, though J-Man already had his own book.

Then, they went back to class for "SSR", Sustained Silent Reading. He found that terribly frustrating, because he was excited about the possibility of reading a little more of his book, but unable to because of the constant interruptions. The other children apaprently wanted to know if he could *actually* read the book (he was incredulous at this point, because he was already up to pg 200), and they also asked him to spell daft little words.

They sang more songs, in conjunction with the junior class. A girl told on a boy (of 10 or 12) who was playing with a matchbox car when he was supposed to be listening. The teacher snatched it off him, and he had a tantrum "like a two year old". This morphed in to a gigantic fuss, whereupon the boy picked up chairs and threw them.

That was about it. Every day was much the same (minus the theatrics of the first, but with a few scrimmages thrown in).

I asked what else they had done, and ther ewas nothing. I can't see how 6 hours can be filled up with this little...and this is a class of 9 chidlren. How much less would eb done in a class of 30 (or 36, as was the case in some schools in Auckland)?

So, Kiwi_Mama and others who are wondering...whatever you do at home, be it big or small, it is most likely more than your child would be doing at school. It makes me feel sorry for school children in general, and the child I was as well. What might I have accomplished had I not been in school for 30 horus a week, 40 or so weeks in a year, 11 loooong years?

School

School

I always knew home was better than school. It's just logical that a child will fare better in a family than in a room of 30 kids the same age. I remember when we first looked in to homeschooling for J-Man (he was 4.5 yrs at the time). I was told that if oen wanted to follow the NZ curriculum (which from all I had heard, I certainly did not), it woudl take a hoemschoolign family 2 hours a week.

I was sure they must mean 2 horus a day, which was still astonishing given tghat chidlren are at school for 6 horus a day. But no, it was actually 2 hours a week (instead of 30) that was required to get through the curriculum.

Ayyway, so I have always known my children were learning stuff. Recently I had someone suggest to me that J-Man is opposed to learning, that he doesn't like to learn, and somehow you would need ot trick him or cajole him in to it. I didn't know what to say at the time, ebcause it did look just at that moment liek it might be the case.

But upon reflection, I realised that J-Man loves to learn (as do all humans), he simply doesn't like to be taught, and he doesn't like learning to be boring...who does? He has always been like that, and here's the thing...learning is NOT boring when you are learning what interests you. It's fascinating. If you are used to a life of natural learning, learning what is important to you- of course you would find staged learning inferior. You may even come across as soemone who despises learning.

When J-Man was 4, and nearly a fluent reader, I asked him one day, "How would you spell 'computer'?" He roleld his eyes at me, and said, "Mum! You're trying to teach me again and you know it doesn't work!" Yes, 4 years old...I have always known that he prefers to learn in his own way and without interference, but I must have forgotten briefly.

Anywya, so through the years, I didn;t doubt that my chidlren were learning. I wodnered if they were learnign what they would in school- but not in a worryign sort of a way, just curious. Actually, I suspected their learning was far broader. There's a quote I read once, which I won;t be abel to find now we're on dial-up...but it was fro ma Summerhill Graduate, and it was saying somethign liek, "We did a bit of everything, and collected puzzle pieces over the years, and then suddenly it al lcame together, al lthe pieeces fit". It was as if to say, that whiel the learnign wasn't metered out in even doses, adn they didn;t know *what* they were learning or how it related to the whole, or even if it was goign to add up...somehow it did.

I think my children's learning looks liek a muddle probably from the outside. It is a littel bit here adn there, adn then nothing for a long time, adn then a big lot of somethign seemingly unimportant (or certainly not from the curricum)...but it is making conectiosn all voer the place.

J-Man drew a picture yesterday of Teh Unschooler's Brain...this is my son who has drawn only a handful of times since he was 6. Sudenyl he lieks to draw, and he is quite good at it actually.

BUt to look at this picture, it really was a brain shaped scribble. BUt when you looked closer, you saw that it was firign all over the place. It wasn;t ordered, it was a scramble. If you looked closely you coudl see puzzle pieces. He xplained the drawing at length, and I htought, "Here is a boy who really udnerstands hwo his mind works."

OK, so I'm an usnchoolign convert, lol, nothing new about that...but heres' the thign. I sometimes doubted, well I doubted a lot, but I tried not to project that on to my chidlren. I doubted that they were learning as much as they could be. I doubted that school kids were learning little to nothign in 6 hours a day 5 days a week. It didn;t bother me, or wish a different childhood for my babies...after all, even if they don;t learn as much or as well as a child in shcool- I still think usnchoolign is superior. There is more to life than letters adn numbers. Do I wish for them to be surrounded by clever peopel, or by kind? I want them to grow up free, to grow up doign the thigns they lvoe, and no, I am not concerned that the ywon;t be abel to handle "the realworld", where there are jobs and epoepl you don;t like.

I'm rambling...so, they went to school. And, well, I have to admit I was astonished by how little they did! I was. I thoguth they woudl do sooo much, and certiqanly so much more than at home. But it was not the case. OK, so J-Man only went for 3 days, and yes- it wa a fairly low-standard school...but still, I knwo now that our "doing nothign" days, still invovle more learnign than a day in school.

As far as written work goes, in a full day of school...J-Man brought hom a maths book with the following written.

2+2=2x2
2+2+2=2x3
2+2+2+2=2x4 and so on up to 12x2

The next day he did 3x, adn the last day 4x.

I felt certain they woudl just give him busy work, sicne they would have no idea of what level he was functioning at. But no, he assured me this was what the whole class was doing.

He typed a story on the computer, actualyl more of an accoutn of his weekend.

He wrote a line of e's, and a few Maori words.

They sang songs (all in Maori), and they listened to children giving mini-speeches in Maori. They walekd to the library (which apprently took a veyr logn time, by the time everyoen was ready, and in a straight line). They chose books there, though J-Man already had his own book.

Then, they went back to class for "SSR", Sustained Silent Reading. He foudn that terribly frustrating, because he was excited abotu the possibility of reading al ittle more of his book, but unable to because of the constant interruptions. The other chidlren apaprently wanted to knwo if he coudl *actualyl* read the book (he was incredulous at this point, because he was already up to pg 200), and they also asked him to spell daft little words.

They sang more songs, in conjunction with the junior class. A girl told on a boy (of 10 or 12) who was palyign with a matchbox car when he was supposed to be listneing. The teacher snatched it off him, and he had a tantrum "like a two year old". This morphed in to a gigantic fuss, wheredupon the boy picked up chairs and threw them.

That was about it. Every day was mcuh the same (minus the theatrics of the first, but with a few srimmages thrown in).

I asked what else they had done, and ther ewas nothing. I can;t see how 6 hours can be filled up with this little...and this is a class of 9 chidlren. How much less would eb done in a class of 30 (or 36, as was the case in some schools in Auckland)?

So, Kiwi_Mama and others who are wondering...whatever you do at home, be it big or small, it is most lieely more than your chidl woudl eb doign at school. It makwes me feel sorry for school children in general, adn the child I was as well. What migth I have accomplished had I not been in school for 30 horus a week, 40 or so weeks in a year, 11 loooong years?

Parenting for a Peaceful World by Robin Grille

Parenting for a Peaceful World by Robin Grille
An excerpt from page 84...

"Helping mode parents attend to their chidlren's emotional development by listening with empathy to their children's expressions of need. Children's unrefined and spontaneous expressions of feeling and need are validated as never before, and this process begins at birth. Increasingly, we are coming to believe that babies know when they are hungry, how much they need to consume, when they are tired, when they need to be held, and when they need engagement or attention. A baby's cry, no longer thought to be capricious or meaningless, is warmly attended to without delay. It is the baby's natural biological and emotional cycles, not the clock o nthe wall, that govern the ebb and flow of nurturance- and the carer is led by the baby's cues. For this reason, the newest mode is often referred to as 'natural parenting'.

Toddlers and older children are benefiting from a greater tolerance for their expressions of feeling, opinions, wants and needs. In contrast to the censure of earlier modes, they are more likely to encounter empathy. What motivates helping mode parents is the desire to allow adn support the natural unfolding of each child's unique individuality."



This is a very important book, I'm not finished yet but would like to encourage you to pick up a copy. Please be warned, it will probably make you cry.

The Difference a Friend Can Make...

We've made friends with an unschooling family here...hooray. Suddenly everything seems a little brighter. They are fabulous people, and I just know I will learn a bucket-load from this lady and her amazing garden and home.

Our children all got along well, which is not always a given, but definitely always a bonus! They played together happily for hours, and just to top it off- we'll be going there again later this week.